girl. melissa. twentytwo. single.
mel. melly. mellylicious.
9 january. loves christmas. loves winter.
loves beaches. loves the stars. loves piano
loves taking pictures with her DSLR.
kpop lover, SNSD, yonghwa, hyunjoong,lee min ho.
family girl. hates roaches,spooky stuffs & dark.
ohmyjukebox .
Sunday, November 14, 2010{ 1:07 AM }
A rainy night as i blog in the car. Just as well, it blends in with my feelings at the moment. There's a thunderstorm going on in here.
I'm stuck in the same shits again. not being able to catch up with schoolwork because i've been slacking the past 7 weeks. it scares me. i just need to get my drive and motivation to do well back. Urgh. Last time i used to study because i didn't want my then boyfriend, kh to think that i've stupid...but now...now what is there to drive me forward?
The rain's falling harder on the window panes now...while 童话 plays on the stereo in the background.
And i feel like crying too. probably due to the sad music, coupled up with my jumbled up feelings.
I don't think i'd ever be able to love again. I'm just so scared. the hurt from kh was really bad. BAD. I don't know. So far i haven't been able to accept anyone or everyone. I don't even love myself anymore. Sighs. wth am i doing? what do i really want?
Mum's right. i'm already turning 23. that's when she got married to my dad! but here i'm, single and all, and apprehensive of relationships. if the next person confesses, do i have to give it a try again? i'm tired. "you can choose others, but others will be choosing you as well, so remember that. it's not a one person's choice thing. " my mum told me. so do i think i have the calibre that can get those cuter guys? nope. like mark, i'm scared of my insane jealousy, i hate worrying that if i have a cute boyfriend, he'd run away with any girl that comes along. i hate that uneasy and insecured feeling. never will i want to feel it again. then again, can i be contented with just anyone who's chosen me?
is that even possible?? lol.
i'm not mark. i don't use spare tyres!
GAH heck.
And i had the most embarassing outing with S ytd night. I happily chose the yoghurt without knowing it went by weight. shit. it cost him a fair amount :\ oopsies. I DIDNT KNOW WHERE TO HIDE MY FACE AFTER THAT. damned. and upon closer look, he isn't eyecandy after all, just someone i can talk to very comfortably and with many many many common topics. but common topics will run out one day, no? just like how the common topics between me and kh ran out. that relationship has left me so scarred. i hate it. i have a really bleak mindset towards anything and everything related to relationships already.
