girl. melissa. twentytwo. single.
mel. melly. mellylicious.
9 january. loves christmas. loves winter.
loves beaches. loves the stars. loves piano
loves taking pictures with her DSLR.
kpop lover, SNSD, yonghwa, hyunjoong,lee min ho.
family girl. hates roaches,spooky stuffs & dark.
ohmyjukebox .
Wednesday, November 24, 2010{ 12:23 AM }
hasnoideawhysomepeoplehavebigegos.
itslikehelllloooooooooo; -_-" you're not my cuppa tea. lesson 1: never EVER assume.
Sunday, November 14, 2010{ 1:07 AM }
A rainy night as i blog in the car. Just as well, it blends in with my feelings at the moment. There's a thunderstorm going on in here.
I'm stuck in the same shits again. not being able to catch up with schoolwork because i've been slacking the past 7 weeks. it scares me. i just need to get my drive and motivation to do well back. Urgh. Last time i used to study because i didn't want my then boyfriend, kh to think that i've stupid...but now...now what is there to drive me forward?
The rain's falling harder on the window panes now...while 童话 plays on the stereo in the background.
And i feel like crying too. probably due to the sad music, coupled up with my jumbled up feelings.
I don't think i'd ever be able to love again. I'm just so scared. the hurt from kh was really bad. BAD. I don't know. So far i haven't been able to accept anyone or everyone. I don't even love myself anymore. Sighs. wth am i doing? what do i really want?
Mum's right. i'm already turning 23. that's when she got married to my dad! but here i'm, single and all, and apprehensive of relationships. if the next person confesses, do i have to give it a try again? i'm tired. "you can choose others, but others will be choosing you as well, so remember that. it's not a one person's choice thing. " my mum told me. so do i think i have the calibre that can get those cuter guys? nope. like mark, i'm scared of my insane jealousy, i hate worrying that if i have a cute boyfriend, he'd run away with any girl that comes along. i hate that uneasy and insecured feeling. never will i want to feel it again. then again, can i be contented with just anyone who's chosen me?
is that even possible?? lol.
i'm not mark. i don't use spare tyres!
GAH heck.
And i had the most embarassing outing with S ytd night. I happily chose the yoghurt without knowing it went by weight. shit. it cost him a fair amount :\ oopsies. I DIDNT KNOW WHERE TO HIDE MY FACE AFTER THAT. damned. and upon closer look, he isn't eyecandy after all, just someone i can talk to very comfortably and with many many many common topics. but common topics will run out one day, no? just like how the common topics between me and kh ran out. that relationship has left me so scarred. i hate it. i have a really bleak mindset towards anything and everything related to relationships already.
F. M. L.
time to read econs or watch gossip girls? CRAP.
Friday, November 12, 2010{ 1:42 AM }
yoghurt outing @ river valley. later tonight. with sam.
어떻게!!gahhhh. ):
never have i once found someone who has so many similarities as me...once we start talking on msn, we cant stop...the list goes on and on -leftie (shares the pain of being a left hander! ): ) -photography interest -korean dramas -taiwanese dramas -ancient wu shu movies -primary school days -korean pop -family (siblings same order, both sad oldest kids) -holidays -food interest (TARO!) -location -yoghurt > icecream
the list never ends. its just scary...too many similarities. i know i asked God for a soulmate, but this is too much i think! and somehow i dont feel like getting serious anytime soon. i'm still damn damn apprehensive of anything near a possible future relationship. who can calm my fears? );
gee.
wah. looks like i can't go on my yoghurt outing already. i promised my friends i was gonna eat with them...how to meet him at 8pm? ): oh well. whatever. i have to just say i'm eating with friends le. see how. not gonna give in so easy like how i used to prioritize kh, not anymore. a friend is a friend for now...
heck. dont wanna put any thoughts into it. time to sleep!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010{ 1:15 PM }
i'm so tired!!! having a bad headache now, with puffy eyes for no reason, and i feel like sleeping but i've got school at 330 and training at 7! ): why liddat!
and the worst part of it all, i've an assignment due today and i totally forgot about it! wth! should i skip class to do the assignment? ): i've got like an hour and probably fifteen to thirty minutes more to complete a two page essay.
and it starts all over again...the sheer desperation. just what am i doing? ahh screw it, not thinking. back to work. i need to set my life straight and focus on what's important rather than what's not.
whatever will be, will be. hopefully i won't be applying murphy's law anytime soon.
Sunday, November 7, 2010{ 4:11 AM }
(: eyecandy eyecandy. once again it feels like spring! but then, there'll be a day when it all ends again. i should quit being happy.
never, commit the same mistake twice. once bitten, twice shy. always keep that in mind, you dumb girl.
conclusion: just live in my delusional world with yonghwa and hyun joong and nichkhun. that way i'll never get hurt again.
nodame no cantabile is love! debussy! sighs. i wanna play liddat too ): no talent means no talent.
class in 7.5 hours...no mood for class. oh my tian. ):
Saturday, November 6, 2010{ 3:08 AM }
Beethoven's Sonata no. 8, Pathetique
Rachmaninoff Piano Concerto N. 2 in C minor
& i love piano duets! gahhh~!
loving nodame no cantabile. (: making me relieve all the names i used to hear while practicing classical/baroque/romantic periods of piano with miss kang. i miss those days... why did i give up after grade 6? now i'm sure i've lost touch and miss kang will no longer take me back as her student...
brahms, tchaikovsky,chopin,clementi, mozart,handel, vivaldi with some i have yet to come across their pieces...gershwin and liszt..
still remember i loved chopin and clementi pieces the most. with romantic period being my favourite. ahhhh, how i miss those days!
if i could rewind time, i'd never have quit piano for volleyball... one by one my dreams shatter, my ambitions shatter. first with the 21 points for L1r5, gone were my hopes of being a doctor. secondly, with the limitations of my musical talents in sight reading and lack of techniques in playing the piano, i quit piano, without completing it till grade 8 like i told myself i would. then i could have gone on the science track and continue to do something related to my interest, anything to do with medicine and hospitals and helping the sick, but i stupidly chose banking and finance, which i'm starting to find i've no interest in. i can't even bother to open my textbooks or do tutorials because it's not something i'm interested in. whereas i used to read alot on science. microbiology and immunology and stuffs.. ); i figured out even nursing in NUS would have been a better choice for me.
And now i've nothing but regrets.regrets. regrets. what else can i do to change my life and not regret anymore? i can't waste any more time. all my secondary school girl friends have already joined the workforce... i can't keep changing my mind and wasting any more precious years. my parents aren't getting any younger either...
find me a nichkhun or a yonghwa and life will be perfect. (: preferably jung yong hwa cause he's cuter imo. omg. since when have i chosen the skinny less sporty one over the sunshine hunk? :X (this is an exception!) tsk.
aigoo. i'm near the 50kg mark. oh my tian. ほんとうにいいゆうぎです！어떻게~! zzZzz!
never study...guilty. urgh. should seriously start psycho-ing my mum to lemme go korea for summer exchange next year. then i can go find my jung yong hwa! :D (just like how iggy went to find his kim yuna but ended up finding weilington boots instead :X ) but looking at iggy's nicks on fb these days, one does wonder whether it's better to be a happy swinging single with flings or attached. :\ iggy used to be my eyecandy. ok, a mini crush maybe. someone who with a stable job planned ahead, someone who can tell lame jokes and win parents heart, someone who's good with kids..after watching seohyun listing out the qualities she look for in a man, i cant help but wanna compile my own list too~!
ideal man: 1) CUTE. (ok imo at the very least) can he come with a nice bod too? like nichkhun's or yonghwa's? :X hahaha. 2) doesn't get on my nerves! 3) has a good temper (isn't hot tempered) 4) is a romantic 5) has dreams, realistic ones, not overly big ones 6) has eyes only for me 7) good with parents 8) good with kids 9) drives 10) loves dogs 11) obviously love me too
LOL. and the list goes on.
on a side note, maybe i should change my password. afterall, a blog is for personal use.dont want people knowing my thoughts. it's like reading my mind. dislike it max. 싫어~! my maid love jungshin instead of yonghwa! how is that even possible!!! ): tsk.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010{ 4:01 AM }
omo. i don't mind a nickhun too. :| but i still prefer my yonghwa. hahaha. (:
ahhh. bowling training was a killer today. i didn't like the substitute coach...even though he's a left hander.
too busy copying korean food recipes, am so sleepy now. off to bed then to eat korean food then to mug tmr!
btw, my korean mi yeuk <--- is this it? anyway, korean seaweed soup was terrible today ): i think i need to add some stuffs to make it taste better. shall add minced meat next time.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010{ 3:51 AM }
and as i watched playful kiss' final episode, a scene where seung jo and ha ni cuddles together and just enjoy each other's company and poking fun at each other, my mind automatically goes back to the days that we used to do that too. feeling safe in those arms and having fun teasing him.
which undoubtedly makes me hate myself for recalling it again. i'm supposed to have let go! what am i doing? why does it still seem so vivid in my mind! it sucks. it really does. how, just how can i not recall the sweet old days with him? just how can i not recall how much i actually loved him?
baek seung jo in playful kiss said "your smiles make my days feel better, it makes me happy too" this was a line i used to hear too...but my smiles means nothing more than hatred to him these days, with that filthy look i get. and i still have no idea, what have i done wrong. why am i the one suffering instead? ): it's almost been 7 months, but yet i still cant forget the happy memories everytime i watch such a scene on my korean shows. wah lao eh, isn't it time to not recall such crap?
sighs. its been really emo time for me these few days. being called a fake for the second time, ending a friendship (which was really hard to continue with because k was a friend with too much emotional bundle to handle and with rapid mood swings, its just too hard but nevetheless...i've lost a friend), feeling really alone sometimes, its just really trying.
when people call me fake, or scold me names, or make negative or hurtful remarks about me, somehow or rather, i'd always take it to heart, and it'd bother me so much, i'll start doubting my own sanity or character. it hurts. i can't help it that i have a lower self esteem and lower confidence than others (probably brought about by my secondary school incident). i just, cant seem to not take it to heart. am i really a fake? am i really that ugly and fat? am i just some mean bitch? it eventually leads to "so who/what am i really?"
there's no one new in my life to distract me now. lol. i'm on my own. i think i've finally come to understand why people indulge in singers and actors instead. because reality bites. it's our fantasy to have boyfriends and girlfriends that are ideal, so we choose those korean singers and all because they "seem" ideal. but to me, it's faux. if you truly get to know the person, your opinion might change 180 degrees... tested and verified. so its better to like someone from afar, someone you don't know, and will never know. that why, your impression of the person is highly unlikely to change like the wind directions and you'll never get hurt... simple logic.
will finish studying 2 chapters of marketing and 1 chapter of FI tomorrow. or at least accomplish 2 tutorials in total anyways. i should start mugging if i dont wanna lose out. i dont wanna lose out to kh and kh. (omg. they even have the same initials. O M G. -_-" i'll never go close to anyone else with those initials). i really don't.
hazel's coming back to learn korean with me. to be honest, she's like my soulmate in poly year 3, thank god we didn't turn les together. hahaha. for all you know, we would have made a better les couple than any other straight couples out there! afterall, girls who turn les have somehow given up hope on guys.
ahhh. i can go on ranting forever. its just my random thoughts. am glad i locked my blog up actually.
and i think that things between finny and ble...will turn out fine, somehow. in my eyes, ble does like her. he just needs time to be sure. and finny, is feeling lost because its obvious she likes him too...that's just my third person point of view. it'd work out fine. (: i'm pretty envious of them to be honest...it's not easy to find someone whom you can last long enough with, and enjoy each other's company for...
